Ride Home Rants
Ride Home Rants
From Diapers To Decisions: Real Talk On Parenting, Schools, And Growing Up
Sleepless nights, impossible choices, and a love that refuses to quit—this roundtable takes you inside the parts of parenting we usually gloss over. We start light with a gum-and-July icebreaker, then drop into the real work: dads confronting fear and balance during the infant stage, moms naming the mental load and default-parent trap, and all of us learning why presence matters more than perfection.
Our guests open up about the hardest early moments—sickness, silence, and second-guessing—and what ultimately carried them through. You’ll hear how a simple pause before responding can defuse toddler storms, why asking for help isn’t weakness, and how to protect vulnerability instead of shutting it down. We also unpack the school choice puzzle with practical criteria you can use tomorrow: classroom size, IEP support, community culture, diversity, extracurriculars, and whether your child will be seen—not just counted. Real parents share moves across cities, public vs private debates, and the data they trusted when rankings weren’t enough.
By the end, the biggest lesson stands out: kids don’t need perfect parents; they need present ones. That can look like taking the midnight drive with a screaming baby, scheduling daily check-ins with teens in the format that works for them, or choosing a district where curiosity thrives. If you’re a new or soon-to-be parent, you’ll leave with grounded advice, empathy, and a few lines you can borrow on the hard days.
Enjoyed the conversation? Follow the show, share this episode with a friend, and leave a quick review to help more parents find us. Your stories and questions make this community stronger—what’s one topic you want us to tackle next?
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Welcome everybody to another episode of the Ride Home Rants Podcast. This is, as always, your host, Mike Bono. I got a great episode for us today, but first and foremost, we did just land a new sponsor for the show, and that is Web Western. It is a clothing line for people who aren't afraid of hard work, who love to live off the land, hunting, fishing, and other aspects of that. I am wearing their arrow Western hat here today. You can find that on the Patreon page there. Go and subscribe there. But WebWestern, uh, for those who aren't afraid of hard work and no BS, the arrow reminds you to be a straight shooter and to live life how you should. Go to webwestern.com, use the promo code MikeBono and save yourself 10%. Once again, that's webwestern.com. Promo code MikeBono to save 10%. We have a great panel of guests here today, all of which are parents, and we are going to be talking all things about being a parent in just different aspects of the mothers and fathers and how those differ. And to just shed some light for new and inspiring parents out there, I have a panel of guests. I'm going to let them introduce themselves. And guys, I need the question and ladies, I need the question answers to these two questions. And that is is chewing gum overrated or underrated? And what is one word to describe the month of July? And TJ, we're going to start with you.
SPEAKER_00:How are you doing? Uh TJ, thanks for having me. Appreciate being back. I'm excited for it. Uh, chewing gum. No, it's it's not overrated. I think chewing gum's fine. I think people like it, some people don't like it. I think you got flavors to it. I think you can help with the breath, help with you know a little taste satisfying if you need it. Um, and everybody always asks for it, right? If somebody pulls out a peck of gum, you you know, people put the hand out, like uh, you know, you feel obligated to get you. That's why they came up with the family size. Um, so now uh uh July, man, America, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, that's it's everybody, oh July 4th, right? You know, it's just um it's kind of how it goes. I mean uh selfishly or not, I don't know, whatever. But I think that's kind of the first thing that comes to most people's minds.
SPEAKER_06:I would say selfishly. Uh I'll I'll I'll give you that one on that one, yeah, for sure. Um, but Nika, what about you?
SPEAKER_04:I am Danika and chewing gum. Definitely, I think it's uh underrated. I'm I'm on board with who doesn't like a piece of gum.
SPEAKER_07:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:And um July. I'm gonna say hot. July's hot.
SPEAKER_06:Okay.
SPEAKER_04:I'm short and sweet and to the point.
SPEAKER_06:I like it. Wendy, what about you?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, hi everyone. Wendy here. And is gum overrated? I'm gonna say no. I think it's underrated. I don't even really see commercials or anything for it anymore. It's just a matter of does someone pull out a pack of gum and ooh, I want it. Um, but no other time do I want gum. I will say I'm one of those people that should not chew gum because I chew it like a cow, and I'm one of those people in the room where you're like, I hate listening to people chew. That's me. So I don't carry gum anymore for that reason and switch to mints. We can talk about that next time. Um, in July, so TJ stole my word, America. Thank you. We're gonna couple it with or back it up with freedom. I'm a transplant here, so uh, and meaning that, you know, I wasn't born here in the in the United States, I was born in South Korea. So I I don't know why, but the American flag, American flag, freedom, independence, all that, like it's in my heart. It is in my heart. My dad um is from the United States and met my mother in another country, and you know, thankfully I'm here. And so, yeah, 4th of July, the whole month of July, honestly, every day. Uh I'm here to celebrate being here. Truly. I'm grateful to be here. Yeah. So America it is, July 4th.
SPEAKER_06:That's awesome. Brittany, let's go to you next.
SPEAKER_03:Hey, I'm Brittany. Um chewing gum, it all depends on who's chewing it. So, Wendy, you're right. I would not give you a piece of gum.
SPEAKER_02:Noted. Don't ask, don't ask her for that. Okay.
SPEAKER_03:Um, but it's it's not for me.
SPEAKER_06:I I get it, Brittany. That's a Python. The hot months are just not good for us at all.
SPEAKER_03:Right now, all this snow, the snow day we had today. I'm I'm here for it.
SPEAKER_06:Absolutely. Next we got Brandon.
SPEAKER_01:What's going on, everybody? Um, so uh I'm Brandon Wiley and gum. I would like I said, I I think I'm just gonna probably mirror a lot of what everybody else is saying. Like I think it's underrated, I don't think it's an overrated thing. It's like a staple. I just think it's like a part of life. You know what I'm saying? Like gum is a part of our culture, as weird as that might sound. So, you know, I do a lot of networking events, I talk to a lot of people, I need my breath feeling fresh. And so I'm always going to take some, have some brand some gum with me, ask somebody for some gum if I don't have any. It's just it's just what it is. And in terms of July, where does Fitzdy, where does Fitty come up with this stuff, man? Like that's the wild thing.
SPEAKER_06:You don't want to get into that mind, man. Like that that's that's a dark rabbit hole.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, I already know. Fitty, shout out to Fitty. Um, I would say cook out comes to mind for July. I love cooking out, love gorilling. So that's that's the first thing that pops to mind.
SPEAKER_06:I got you. And last but not least, we got Aaron. Hey, what's going on, everybody?
SPEAKER_05:My name is my name is Aaron. Um, I want to say that Gum is underrated. Uh, just again, from piggybacking off of Brandon, doing a lot of topic, talking. Like I work at schools and I was a football coach. So being able to just be in, you know, talking, be in people's faces sometimes. Sometimes you want to keep your breath fresh and other things like that. Um, and when I think of the month of July, the one word that comes in my mind is intense. Um, you know, you have the fourth of July, it's wedding season, you got a lot going on. Uh it's very hot. And then um, for the all the football goers out there, we're getting into football season, so there's just a lot of moving parts in July.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah, for sure. Um, as always, everyone knows me, Mike Bono, host of the show here. Uh, gum. I'm gonna shock everyone and I'm gonna go overrated. Um, mainly uh because I can't chew it anymore. Um, I've had some dental issues where I I physically can't chew gum anymore. So for that reason, uh, because I used to chew it all the time, uh, I'm going overrated because I can't have it anymore. Um and July, I'm everyone took took a lot of good words. I'm gonna go busy because there's a lot going on with the 4th of July holidays, cookouts. Uh, it's hot. Uh, football season's getting into the swing of things. So it's a very busy month, uh, especially for me as a comic. I try to get a lot of my shows in there and we're winding down near the summer months and everything like that. So it's a very busy month for me. Uh, but we're not here to talk about that. We're here to talk about being a parent, and we're gonna go around the horn here. And Nico, we're gonna start with you. And it's how many children do you have and how old are they?
SPEAKER_04:Well, now you're gonna make me think because I feel old right now. I have three kids. I have two boys, and my youngest is my daughter, and my oldest is Zach, who is 35, and Blake is 31, and Maya is 27. So yeah, I have three grown adults, is what I have.
SPEAKER_06:Gotcha. Brittany, what about you?
SPEAKER_03:I have two little girls, seven and almost six at the end of January.
SPEAKER_06:All right, and Fry, what about you?
SPEAKER_05:So I have a two-year-old daughter right now. I just got one, I just got one. And she just turned on Alexa by herself. That's the first thing she did. It's actually a first, she literally just did it.
SPEAKER_02:That's funny.
SPEAKER_05:We're listening to the happy birthday song, so that's a little blooper you can put in there.
SPEAKER_01:I got you.
SPEAKER_05:Wiley, what about you?
SPEAKER_01:So I have two kids. My son is eight, and my daughter is uh 14 months. Okay, so we have a little bit of a gap there. So I forgot almost what it was like having a little baby, and I'm probably never gonna have any more children after this. So I think it's about a wrap. I value my sleep more so now as a 37-year-old man, yeah, than I did when I was a 29, 30-year-old man. So uh I'm tired a little bit.
SPEAKER_06:Okay, I I I feel that in my bones for sure.
SPEAKER_00:Uh TJ, what about you? My son is two and a half, and this is currently baby month. So we will have one in by the end of the month. Oh congratulations on that.
SPEAKER_04:Wow, winter baby.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, it's uh yeah, I'm getting my naps in, getting my sleep in now. I'm trying to it's like the hibernation of uh like sleep, you know. You you try to build it up so that you can use that energy later.
SPEAKER_01:So congrats though, man. That's awesome.
SPEAKER_05:Yes, congratulations.
SPEAKER_06:Last but not least, here, Wendy. What about you?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I have two daughters. I have one that is 24 and then another that is 20. Um, my fiance, we live together, um, soon to be married. He has two boys, so I'm in a household um with two teenage boys, which is a a little bit of a shock for me, um, quite frankly. Uh, 14 and 16. So it's like I got a second time around, but with the other sex, it's very different, they're very different than girls. Yeah, so that's where I'm at right now.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah, I get that. I am probably the odd man out here. I have uh two stepdaughters, uh 25 and 24. Um, and I also have my 16-year-old son uh as well, and my 24-year-old uh stepdaughter is going to make me a grandpa in May for the first time.
SPEAKER_07:So um I'm actually going to so Nick, you you thought you were gonna feel old.
SPEAKER_06:I'm gonna be a grandpa at 36.
SPEAKER_04:So uh you want to talk about four, I have four grandkids. Oh we're gonna love it, we're gonna love it because I I can't wait.
SPEAKER_06:Um didn't think I was going to be uh excited at this age for that, but uh when my wife told me um in the weirdest way possible, uh because my stepdaughters they live back home in Toronto, Ohio. I'm in uh close to Columbus, Ohio, so they're about two hours away. And my wife called me at work, and she never calls me unless something is wrong. And when I answered the phone, she said, Well, do you want to be called grandpa or papa? And I instantly went to my 16-year-old son. I don't know why. Um, and my only response was I beg your pardon. And then she had to like settle me back. I was like, No, no, the girls, the girls. I was like, okay. So yeah, but uh yeah, we're excited about it. We can't wait. Um, we should find out here very soon whether it is going to be a uh granddaughter or a grandson. Um after the girls and my 16-year-old son, I am hoping for a girl um at this point in time, uh, because 16-year-old boys are a lot of fun. So uh that he keeps me on my toes for sure. Uh, but for this next one, uh, this is just for the dads in the in the group here. So, gentlemen, uh, what do you think the toughest thing about being a dad is to an infant? And Fry, let's start with you.
SPEAKER_05:Oh no, that's very hard. Um, the toughest part about being a dad to an infant, I think the hardest part for me and the toughest part was like when like kids are so resilient. So when they get sick and you see them sick, like for instance, my daughter had COVID and she was still running around like she didn't. What was the hardest thing for me? Because I was like, I was sad, you know what I mean? Right. So it was hard for me to see her go through that, even though she was still happy. I think when they're sick, that's the hardest part that I feel like you gotta go through.
SPEAKER_06:I got you. Uh Brandon, what about you?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I think uh I agree with that too. Uh the uh the sickness part, that's that's that's the worst. I'll tell you what, having a little girl is vastly different than having a little boy. So um, well, for one, my daughter is very bossy. Um demands time. My son is really was really chill as a baby. She's she's not. So, you know, I think I think time, you know, like I I'm involved with a lot of stuff in my community and my business and and all that. But first and foremost, I'm a father. And so, you know, I have to oftentimes remind myself that, you know, while I'm trying to be successful and build my business, you know, I have to build my family and make sure that you you're dedicating your time to your children and because that's the foundation, that's the next generation. Those are the those are what you're you're living for. So, you know, it's it's it's be you know, being a man, being a father, it's balance, but it's making sure you're always putting your children and your family first.
SPEAKER_06:Absolutely. TJ, what about you?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, um I th one of the things I pray the most about is like insecurity. Um, you know, as a father, and it started as an infant, you know, they they they sit there and you're like, okay, I know they might not understand everything I'm doing, but am I doing everything right, even right now? Um and a lot of it isn't even about being um, you know, my son's father, it's more about being a husband. Um, because, you know, you're trying to make sure your wife is staying there too, you know, is is making sure that she's so taken care of. Um and that was the hardest thing for me, is just that balance of I'm doing okay. Um, I'm gonna make mistakes. You all everyone knows that. But also, am I just doing what I need to do right now in this phase and this step so that I can get to the next phase and be able to be okay. Um there's no rule book, there's no playbook, there's no, oh, this is how you do it perfectly. But you know, in our mind, I'm trying to find it. So I think just that insecurity a little bit about, you know, what am I doing? You know, what can I be doing better? Was kind of the hardest thing for me.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah, I'd have to agree with that. Um, as a dad, you know, it's just the the wanting to do the right thing so that your child sees you doing the right things. Yeah, you're gonna make you're gonna mess up, you're gonna make mistakes everyone does. We're all human, but have you come back from that and let them see you bounce back from that? I think is the biggest thing for me. Um just just the a fear factor, I would say, for me. Um and I'm a very protective person by nature, as it is, and trying not to be that overbearing, overprotective father, um, and letting them make their mistakes like we did as as children, and letting them learn from that, but also being there to show them how how they can learn from that, uh, is the biggest thing for me. Um, and ladies, we didn't forget about you, so we're gonna ask basically the same question. Uh, what do you think the hardest thing about uh being a mom to a toddler is? And Nika, let's start with you.
SPEAKER_04:Oh boy, um, the hardest thing is just giving them what they need every day. Um, I was blessed with being able to be home with them. So stay-at-home mom, you know, wasn't just a stay-at-home mom. I was a wife, and you know, just taking the kids everywhere they needed to be. Um busy those late nights. Late nights, I tell you. My kids never wanted to sleep in their bed. So yeah, that was always an issue. So very little sleep, and there was no rest, you know. As soon as their little feet got up and hit the ground, that meant you were up and you were up and running. So just just holding down the fort really was um you know probably the hardest thing on a daily basis because you get no break. There is no timeout. When you have three, there is no timeout. So you just you you do it. You do it, you you love them as much as you can, and um that's kind of for me to keep it enough.
SPEAKER_06:Absolutely. Bernie, what about you?
SPEAKER_03:Um the default parent. Um I would I would like to be at home for um the first five years as well. And um it's just it never ended. It's the the the mental the the the you know the brain break, the um the time to just you know, like these are the things I have to do because I have to do these things, but I also have to like make sure that the kids have their laundry done too, and then all the other things. And my husband worked very hard, he worked long hours, and you know, forever grateful for that because he keeps you know keeps up living living a great life, but and the the mental load of you know, did they eat what are they gonna eat next? I oh I have to feed you three times a day, every day for the next that's the shit nobody tells you when you have like three meals a day plus snack, they can't you can't just give a meal for a jelly sandwich every day for the next 18 years. Like you have to nutrients and things, and then like throwing an allergy or something like that. Oh my god. It's constant. And and it's just like okay, like it makes you appreciate the little breaks you do get a lot more. Um but yeah, it's just it's the the being the default where you know they're up in the middle of the night and they and they want mom because that's just mom's with them all the time. And not that they don't love that, but it's just you know, they're they're crying for mommy, or you know, they come in your room. Room and the first person they wake up is mom. They go to mom's side of the bed and okay, let's go back to bed. You know, it's just it's just being the the one that's always on, um you know, on call.
SPEAKER_06:So yeah, absolutely. Wendy, what about you?
SPEAKER_02:I can resonate with everything that every single person said here, um, whether girl or son. Um, and you know, I think the hardest thing about being a parent when you have a little one, uh even a toddler age, they can't give you that feedback back. You you don't hear anything back, you you physically see it, right? And so if they're constantly crying, you have no idea why usually they're crying unless you go down the list of all right, well, I've checked your diaper, you're already fed, you have a toy in hand, you don't need a nap at this time. So, what could it possibly be? And they don't know enough sensory things to be able to tell us, one with words, and then also two by sensing that they're in pain, possibly, anything in their mouth, the teeth coming in or something, who knows, you know. So it's tough because there's no one in that that room with you that's able to say, like, hey, you're doing a great job. And so as a parent, I think the hardest part is just giving ourselves some grace and just saying to ourselves, you're doing the best that we can in that moment, in that exact moment, with the information that you possibly have, or the experience, or the lack thereof. And that's the best that you can do for your child in this time. And just giving ourselves a little bit of that grace, I think will help us mentally kind would help mentally get through that um period of time. I can't tell you how many times I've had to say that to myself as I'm crying in a corner, wondering why my daughter's screaming bloody murder for three freaking hours after I took her in the car, fed her, and it's midnight, and I don't know why she's not sleeping. So, you know, there's times where I've had to like put myself in a timeout and say, what could I have done better or what am I doing wrong? And a little bit ties in with that kind of insecurity type of um comment that TJ mentioned, you know, because there is, as a new parent, you are insecure. You don't know what the fuck you're doing. I'm just gonna say it. No one tells us what to do. They want to tell us how to do it after we had the kid and after our attempt at doing one thing, you're doing it wrong. You should be doing it this way. Well, thanks for your opinion, but you're not in my house 24 hours of the day. And maybe my way is exactly you know our way of how we want to raise our children, right? Because a lot of times, older generations above us, we didn't like the way that we were raised, or we didn't like the way that they raised their kids either, you know. So I think there's a lot to be said with just realizing and just honing in for new parents out there. This is your first time being a parent, just like it's their first time being a child. You gotta grow into that role. You're not gonna master it on day one, you're not gonna master it on day 1500. It's gonna grow in time just like your child will. And by the time that your children get older, I know Nika and I can speak from experience of having older children in our lives now. The amount of gratitude and appreciation that come from my kids is mountain tie in comparison to what I thought I was doing as a parent, crying in the corner, suffering in silence, thinking I'm losing my shit, I'm not cut out for this. I never wanted kids, now I got two, you know, and like all of these things, all these things running through my head. Like, I am gonna, I want to set an example, I want to be the best parent possible. Am I doing everything I've always like? And you know what? I can't tell you how many years I beat myself up going through that with two of them with a four four-year gap in between. And now I look back and I'm like, that's easy. Now this is a breeze. You know, it's crazy because as they get older, guess what? Now it's bigger problems, more expensive problems. So cherish those young ones right now because they are cheap in comparison to what it's like on this side. Yeah, I know that's a very long drawn-out answer, but grace. Give yourself some grace, parents. Seriously. Seriously. You're comparison. Comparison's evil, you know? You have nothing to compare yourself to.
SPEAKER_06:Absolutely. Uh yeah, those are those are all uh right if I agree with all of it on both sides, you know, fathers and mothers, you know, it's there's no rule book, there's no playbook, um, that it's figured out. Uh, and we all do, and we all do great at it. Uh, but uh for everyone here, um picking the schools can always be the the hardest thing for you know new parents and so when you were growing up in your towns, how did you find the right place and the right fit for you and uh TJ? Let's start with you.
SPEAKER_00:So um I never fit in growing up ever. So um a little background. So I'm adopted, so both of my parents are white. I'm not for those of you who can't see me. I'm not, I'm very not white. So um, so uh I never was able to like, okay, well, go with like you know, this group over here or go with this group over there, and there were times where I wasn't allowed to go over some people's houses because I was black. There was time in general, like they wouldn't want me to be over there, they wouldn't want to come over to my house, even though my parents were not. It just it there was lots of things I went into it, and as even I got older, it um it you know bled in even more. But um uh what happened was I ended up getting down to connecting with people that really had a lot of the same morals as I did, which is very good. Um, you know, in the end, and I was able to be able to good uh be a decent judge of character in the end. Um but I mean it's you know as a teacher, I sit there and I look at it, I'm like, man, uh we're all fighting all the same battles, no matter what. Um it's just in different ways, different phases, different times. Um so I I mean, you know, and we're sitting there trying to raise kids to try to give them the best character values as possible, but also be the best judge of character to be around the people that we want them to be around. Um so uh again, there I, you know, kind of like I said before, there's no playbook. If there was, life would be easy and everybody would do it. But um, you know, it's just uh you know, everything's ever changing too. So as the generations go by, you know, technology, like social media is different now. Like this wasn't an issue 15 years ago, you know. So um there's definitely lots of things that go into it, but you know, character stays the same, you know, be a judge of character is kind of how you know went about that business. Absolutely. Brandon, what about you?
SPEAKER_01:Um just for clarification, you said how did we pick our school?
SPEAKER_06:How do you pick the school for your kids?
SPEAKER_01:How do you pick the school for your kids? So I got so I'm I have a similar story, you know, for for me. Um so I'm I'm biracial, and you know, um, my dad is black, my mom is white, my child my children are also Spanish, Cuban, Puerto Rican. We have a whole mixture. It's it's United Nations up in here. Absolutely. Uh, you know what I'm saying? So um I always I had a hard time fitting in in my area. And I and I and we, you know, we have Sharon, I'm from the Sharon Ferrell, Pennsylvania area, and it's a small town, but there's a lot of a lot of interesting culture and diversity there, you know, certain certain um certain cities were all close together, but there's it it differentiates vastly in regards to demographic. Um here it's it's a little bit more. Um I don't want to say Uri's so much bigger, but it's it's bigger than Sharon and Farrell and Hermitage. But you know, my my thought was I wanted to obviously pick somewhere where for one, my son is he felt like he was being supported. Um he has an IEP, you know, and um and we want to make sure that you know he has the right things in place. So school district is very important. Um you know, uh, we live in the Mill Creek Township uh district, um, which is nice because it's growing, um, and there's a lot more diversity here. Um I mean, not comparative to the city, but um, but that's important to me. It's important for my my children to get experiences from all walks of life, um, but also from an academic standpoint to make sure he's not falling through the cracks. Um, and for my daughter, when she gets into school, the same thing. We'll we we evaluate all that. That's a very important to me. Early education is very important to me as well, um, preschool. Um, so yeah, it's just it's communication with your significant other, it's making sure there's comfortability from both of us. You know, that's how I am with with with my significant other. You know, we make sure we talk to each other, we make sure we feel good about the decisions we're making for our children. And um, yeah, and then and like I said, it takes it takes a village.
SPEAKER_06:Absolutely. Uh Fry, what about you?
SPEAKER_05:I'm sorry, Bonner. Can you repeat the question?
SPEAKER_06:It was when you you know picking schools for your kids, like what what was some of the factors that went into in your town picking the the right school for your kids?
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, so so I'm from Vandegriff, Pennsylvania, which is about 30 minutes east of Pittsburgh. A lot of similar, I guess, walks of life. Um, you know, I grew up, it was my my dad wasn't around. I just met my dad three years ago, and I'm about to be 34. Um, so it was very, very, I want to say it was it was challenging in a lot of ways. Like it was my mother and then my two brothers. So we were just basically finding our way, but we went through a lot. Um that anything that you can ever think of, we've probably been through it. But the one thing that I always turned to was just playing sports. So football, basketball always got us socialized. Um, and it taught us a lot about leadership, dedication, um, and a whole bunch of other things that mirrored life that we were able to just kind of pick and plug and be able to walk through that. So that right there was able to kind of keep my grades in order. Um, and then took me as far as getting a college degree. Um, but I always said, I always asked myself at like maybe 17, like if I would want to raise my kids out here. And I was kind of on a fence with it. And I didn't think I wanted to do that. Um, but me and my fiance moved to Wilmington, Delaware, which is about 25, 30 minutes from Philadelphia. So when I look at the dynamics out here, um I look at it in a good way. There's a lot of diversity. There's a lot of, I guess, what I'd be looking for in a school system. Since I do work in the school systems out here, I'm actually pleased at what I see as far as diversity, um, the curriculums and everything that they have to offer. Um, so this is home now, and I think I'm really, really happy with any school that she would get into out here.
SPEAKER_06:That's awesome. You know, especially moving to a different area and finding that right fit for you. That that that's awesome for you. Uh Brittany, what about you?
SPEAKER_03:Um, so I'm actually living this right now, or just completed living this right now. Um, two and a half years ago, we sold uh our house in a in a different city. Um, we just need to get us get away from the area. Um, didn't really love the schools, the public schools there. And my husband and I were brought up um a little bit differently in that term. He went to public school, he went to Solon, which is a great school system, one of the you know the best rated in um northeast side. Um and I was a um Catholic school girl. So I was also Catholic school, my husband was public school, why pay when you can get a great education back to where I grew up, like that's what's happening. Okay, well, I'm an I'm an insider. So our our public schools out here are are a little bit they're not as great as maybe on the website as the most places in my opinion. I'm sure I'm sure everyone has you know all the rankings I've heard are just made up anyway, but we have very limited choices out here. So um we've moved in with my parents for the past two and a half years. I've been living with my parents very well. Um also this has been crazy. Um but we've been looking for a house in in you know in the school system that we wanted to be in. And we thought we'd okay, let's try a different one, and maybe we'll go a little bit south or something. And every time we look, we're like, that just doesn't feel right. Like nothing feels right, it doesn't feel like where we want to be. And I got my parents like, hey, why don't you like move anywhere you want, send them to a private school? And how does it want to pay more money? Why would we pay? I'm like, well, because they've learned different things, or are they gonna learn in private public schools that they're not gonna learn private school, and vice versa? I'm like, oh man, this is like we were just butting heads about this. And two and a half years later, we finally uh we closed our house on December 12th, and the house wants to be in the city wants to be in the school system that is my kids are already enrolled in. They love it, they love their friends, I love the school system, I love the friends that I've made. I don't see us being anywhere else. So to go through, do I pull my kids out of school because they have been enrolled here for the past two years? Um pull them out. Do I do we start the whole process over again? What's most important to us? Um, I think the school system works is is really, really good. I'm I'm very smaller. Um and it just it feels more to me uncomfortable. So it's to kind of like go back and look at like we just wasted a lot of time like trying to find a home somewhere else and trying to make things work that just weren't gonna work for us. It's like making this process so much like better. Like, okay, we're home now. We have our school, we have our people, my kids are gonna get a good education. Um so I've I've just closed that door on trying to get my kids in a school that's gonna be where we're gonna stay for a while.
SPEAKER_06:So nice.
SPEAKER_03:My parents are too.
SPEAKER_06:My parents are too proud of them. Sure, they are. Uh Danico, what about you?
SPEAKER_04:So boy, you're making me think for a long time ago. Um, my I'm a small town, small town girl. So I grew up in a small town. My oldest um was it was his senior year, and we we had just bought a house in another school district, um, probably a 20-minute drive from where we were from where he was gonna graduate. So he ended up graduating from um a small, small school, Time Tuning Valley. Um, I think their graduating class was like 120, so very small. Um, and that was the same school that I graduated from. Um, my middle guy and my youngest um went to the new school, so which was a little bit bigger, but it wasn't huge. I think maybe graduating class of 200. So it just I felt like it gave a little more opportunity in a lot of ways to them with without having um you know big city school feeling. And so that for me that was important. Um Blake, my middle guy, was in junior high when we decided to move. And he, let me tell you what, he fought us tooth and nail. He did not lose.
SPEAKER_06:Blake, Blake wouldn't do that either.
SPEAKER_04:He was devastated. Let me tell you what. So he was in his seventh grade. Um, he had some good friends where he where he was, but you know, we weren't gonna base the rest of our life on his on his friends, right?
SPEAKER_07:Right.
SPEAKER_04:So best thing we ever did. We moved, he, you know, the kids made friends, they flourished, um, they just they had a lot of opportunities that they might not have had in um the smaller school. So um, yeah, I mean, when you know, you know. Yeah, I mean, I I feel like if your kids are coming home happy and um, you know, life is good.
SPEAKER_06:Absolutely. And for the new listeners out there, uh Blake uh Zanika's son has actually been on the show before. He's a big fan of the show, uh Blake Perry. Uh he was on, I believe, in season one or two uh of the show. So um that's why I don't blank it. I do I knew what she was saying there with that one. But uh Wendy, what about you to round this question out?
SPEAKER_02:Sure. So I I do want to say this. Um, Brittany, I just want to add on um the school district that you're in uh is basically as an equivalent to putting your kids into a private school. That's the comparison for the outside public, just so you know.
SPEAKER_07:Well, well, that is hot too.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. I mean, that is like the talk of the area, right? Like anyone that asks me, like, what district? And it's like, not really allowed to tell you, but go check online. But if you're really asking me, Kirtland is is ranked really, really high, um, even with technology. So great fit on that. Um, I will tell you that for me to make my decision, um, there's a couple of things. One, I do look at ohio reportcard.gov because I'm a data nerd and facts nerd. So I want to know the data. I want to know the classroom sizes, I want to know how the kids are testing, I want to know what the scores are at the state level. Um, I want to know all that information. And why is that important? Because we're sending our kids to those schools for the majority of the day. The teacher's job and the educators' jobs are to do just that, right? All the other bullshit that happens at the school, that's not the teacher's job, right? And we can't come down on them for that. So that's a whole other element. And that's where you have to learn how to separate the two. Um, I think it's important to choose my school district. I do, and not just looking solely. Property taxes for properties, people steer away a little tiny bit when the property taxes are a little bit higher because they're like, Oh my gosh, so much of it is going to schools. Yes, like 80% of your property taxes goes to the schools. That's just gonna happen no matter what age you are, whether you have children or not. So when you make a move, it should be because of the schools. I'm just saying, realtor speaking, 20 years, that's very important, especially when you go to sell your property. And the other thing is, too, is I have relationships when I was when that I made from my elementary school that I'm still in friendship with. I know a lot of people really can't say that same exact thing, but when I look back at my school age years, and I grew up in the Riverside School District, Nika, so I went to Painsville Township Schools. Um, you know, and my friends all did not. I was partying over at Painsville City Schools because that was more fun than Painsville Township schools and you know, and Madison schools, but my friends, the base of the people, the community, the support people that I told everybody everything to every day that I came into school, my parents are doing this, my sister's doing this, she's driving me crazy, you know, like the family that they became that was important to me. And so I looked at, you know, when my girls went of school age, I looked at private school and public school, and I looked at the information. And to me at the time, the public school, the involvement in the community that they had, the groups, the the clubs that they had at the schools was unprecedented. And to me, that was huge because it was a matter of how much can my kid get involved in as much as possible, because every opportunity is in front of them. Then it's just a matter of her friend group and where they're gonna fit in and what they're you know, one tends to follow another once they're in a friend group. They all start to do the same kind of thing. So one gets involved in sports and then the other one's gonna kind of tag along. So, you know, I was fortunate to keep my friendships all through my younger school days, and I wanted the same thing for my girls. And so when we honed in on the public school district and I was voicing private, my husband at the time was like, no, public is fine. And I read the reports and everything came back. This is the best decision we made. I did have two opportunities um to make change eventually, I shouldn't say eventually, but we ended up divorcing. And um, the biggest thing that he put in our divorce agreement, uh not joking, I just had to talk about this the other day. I was not allowed to leave the school district and move out of the district for the schools because that's how important the schools were to the kids at the time, which is crazy to think at such a young age because kids are resilient, it may not, you know, we oh, they'll they'll they'll be fine. Those girls still to this day talk about the fact that I did not move them out of the schools, still have their friendships and their best of friends groups still in their 20s right now. Um, so it, you know, if if you can find the right, the best school that can support and check a lot of the boxes in your own values, your own home life, and how you handle your life for your family, then you'll find the best, you know, support group for them and community for them. I think, you know, it's it's priceless. Truly it's priceless. Plus, they were both involved in the schools as much as they possibly could be too. And I think when we move kids around and there's things that may not have been of interest or there isn't enough uh groups or things for them to do at the school, they're kind of checked out. Their interest isn't there, they're not really giving it their all either if they don't have that. Yeah, it's just my opinion.
SPEAKER_06:That that's that's a great answer for that, too, as well. Um yeah, that that's important at all walks in life, is is finding that right niche that works for both the parents and and the kid too, as well, with with picking schools. So it's a it's a tough decision, but ultimately uh it it's whatever you feel is right for you. And we are running short on time, so I got two more questions that I really want to get in here. Uh TJ, let's start with you. And what is the best part and the best thing about being a parent?
SPEAKER_00:The fact that you come second. Everything you do every day, you think about how can I do better for them, and it makes you a better person. Um, you sit back and you're like, listen, I may have lived this way, I may have done these things, may have made these choices, and now I don't matter. And um in the sense of I need to be the best version of myself to be able to give the best version of myself to my kids so that they are better than I am. So the fact that I come second makes life a little bit easier.
SPEAKER_06:That's an awesome answer. Off the rip, that's an awesome answer. Well, guys, try to top that. But Brandon, what about you?
SPEAKER_01:Um, you know, I I I I just enjoy the um, I just think it's it's such an important role. Um, you get to be a model, right? You get to help uh shape another or other human beings. And there's a lot of power and strength in that. And um, and and of course, you gotta pour, you know, in order for you to do that, you gotta make sure that you're personally well too. You gotta make sure you're taking care of yourself. You have to make sure that you're being intentional about um what you're doing. Um, but there's no greater feeling than coming home, seeing your kids run up to you and happy to see you and feeling protected and feeling safe, um, and and looking to you as a model figure um to help guide them and lead them into uh the adults, into the people that they eventually and are growing to be. So it's just it's the ultimate role, and there's there's nothing else that tops it.
SPEAKER_06:Absolutely.
SPEAKER_05:Fry, what about you? Yeah, right now, uh the I think the greatest thing is just being in a moment and being present. Um, you know, I've spent uh every day that I get and every moment that I get. Um, I spend it with my daughter, and there's just not a moment that I don't take for granted, you know what I mean? And then just to watch her grow up, like I feel as though like right now, like I I've spent so much time and I'm gonna continue that, but it's just me living, knowing that I won't have any regret being like, oh, I wish I would have been home, I wish I would have done this, I wish I would have done that. But I'm living that, and then you know, as time goes on, you know, like Brandon said, just setting an example, being a role model, you know, I come through the door, she's excited to see me. That's that that makes my day every day.
SPEAKER_06:So yep, absolutely Brittany, what about you?
SPEAKER_03:Um that uh reciprocal unconditional love. That no matter how we are to each other, how bad of a day I'm having and how much yelling I'm doing, or seven-year-old in her teenager mode, and no matter what happens. I love you, mommy, I love you. I'm always here for you. Always and nothing like no matter how bad we are to each other, it's always there. And we always say sorry. And that's just something that you don't get with everybody.
SPEAKER_06:That's that's another good answer. I that's a that's a good one there too, as well. Uh Nika, what about you?
SPEAKER_04:Um, being a parent is definitely hands down the most rewarding experience, job, whatever you want to call it, that you can have in your life. Um from when they're little and you're responsible for everything in their everyday life to as they get older, you know, their high school years, being involved to adulthood. It it doesn't change. You're still it times might be a little less, you might see them a little less, or talk to them a little less, but you're still present, and and those moments are to me like they're irreplaceable. You you best feeling you can have in the world. So that's kind of how I feel.
SPEAKER_06:Absolutely. Wendy, what about you?
SPEAKER_02:Um, you know, I I was gonna say quite a bit of what was already said here, too. And you know, the biggest, I guess it all kind of encompasses to the biggest thing, which is we are handed a life that it has come that has come here and has raised their hand and said, here I am in my rawest form, the most vulnerable person that I can be. And just hold my heart and don't drop it, type of feeling. Like you don't get that with adults. You you don't get that just vulnerable, open, just emotion, all of that, right? You don't get it. But when you look at a child, whether they're two years old, 18 months, or even five years old, and you look at their face and how something has impacted them by what they just heard, and they internalize it and show you a feeling, it is the most incredible thing to witness in front of you because you're like, oh my gosh, why are you breaking my heart with that look on your face sometimes, you know? And and that's just it. Our children teach us, they they really teach us so much. If we really pay attention and really listen to what they say, they question everything for a reason, right? Because they're curious, they're sponges, they're absorbing every single thing we say. And the vulnerability, it only goes away because of adults doing that. You realize that? Us adults do that to children. Otherwise, we would all be out here open, we would all be heart open and willing to shed tears, tears on our sleeves, whatever it may be, to any general person in the public, we would. And we would internalize things a little bit differently. But adults change that because we put stops and we change behavior and we say, I don't do that, don't act like that, don't cry, don't whine, you don't need to be toughen up, get stronger, no one should see your tears. We shut that vulnerability down. And as a parent, do you know how hard it is, especially with girls, to get them to stay in that state, especially when they start dating people too, and not get tough and closed off and so alpha and so independent and hyper independent. And it you see where I'm going with all of this? It's that vulnerability, and we have an opportunity to hold it, to mold it, and to keep it open, but instead we choose a little bit differently. I'm not saying we as every single parent out there, but just as adults, we do that. And so I think we're so fortunate and we're so blessed because we have we have that. We we have that, and if we can hold that with our child throughout their whole life as they age and keep them heart open with us, they don't have to be like that with every single person in their life, but just me, it's me, mom. Like, tell me what's going on, what's wrong? Why are you shutting down? You know, I've had to have those conversations with my daughter sometimes, and it was heartbreaking because I would say to myself, why are you not telling me? You used to tell me, you know, I'm like crying in their face. I'm like, you used to tell me everything. What happened? We used to be past friends, you know. We we would stay up all night talking or whatever, and it's the influence, it's the influence of social media, the friend groups, and all these other pressures that kind of come in. And and so, you know, hold on to that, man. That's the best part of that's the best part, in my opinion. We we have someone else's heart in our hands, truly. All in, all in. Our children are all in on us 100% every single day that they wake up. I'm all in, there's mom, there's dad. Hope they don't upset me. I'm gonna cry in the corner if they do, but I'll be back in again 100% in five minutes. You know, like who does that? I don't talk to people for 10 years if I'm upset sometimes as an adult. You know what I mean? Because my vulnerability factor isn't all there anymore for some people, but that is a gift. That it truly is a gift. I'm sorry, I keep talking.
SPEAKER_06:No, you're fine. Um, for for me, uh uh right now, the best part about being a parent is right now we're in like a transition phase where my son is getting older. Uh, he's gonna be a senior in high school here uh soon. Um becoming his friend more than his father. We have bonding times where it's father Sundays and we get to hang out and just be uh together with each other. And and you know, we we had to make an an hour drive the this past weekend and just being in the car and being with him and actually just sitting and talking like I was talking with one of my my buddies. We were talking about sports, and people in Ohio are gonna hate me, but it was during the Ohio State Michigan game. I didn't give a shit about either of those teams. So um well, we went and yeah. Uh he was he was looking up scores and he was keeping me posted while I while we were driving and we were talking about the games that were coming up, and we were getting to talk about stuff like that, and um he forewent his junior football season. Now he's thinking about uh getting back into it for his senior year and and that and as a dad, I I love watching him play on Friday nights and everything like that. Um so getting to be more of now where we're becoming buddies versus father and son, that that's that's the best part for me right now. And I can have adult conversations with him, and it's not like having and talking to a four, five, six, seven-year-old where you kind of gotta be a little bit more uh even killed, if you will. I I can be myself uh a little bit more around him. Trust me, you don't get labeled the angry white comic because you're this even killed person who's you know getting to see dad road rage a little bit uh while we were making the making the drive and um going along with it and just you know pointing out stuff and just having that time together. Um for me that's the best part is just now that I can be his buddy and not be so much of a strict father figure uh to him there. Uh but lastly, uh I want to go around here real quick and any advice that you guys would have to new parents out there or people who are you know thinking about starting a family, uh what advice would you give? And Nico, we're gonna start with you.
SPEAKER_04:I'm gonna say nobody's perfect. We all make mistakes, but if you show up every day and do your best as a parent, that's gonna be enough. That's gonna be enough for your kids. And you're it's a learning experience for both of you. Yeah, you know, I mean, every day you wake up, um, nobody knows what's gonna happen. But you get up, you show up, and you and you do what you can as a parent and just love your kids.
SPEAKER_06:Absolutely. Brittany, what about you?
SPEAKER_03:Um it's pretty much the same. Our my pediatrician always made us feel like your kids alive, you're doing great. That's that's like my advice. Like he never made me worry, never made me feel like my questions were like, you know, it's okay, like it's good. Like okay, you're right. That's my advice. Like whatever you're doing is good, it's fine. It's your your it is okay, and if you're doing it with good intention and to the best of your ability, that's great.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah. Right. What about you?
SPEAKER_05:Uh be in a moment, be patient, um, and embrace the process of learning and being being present. Try every day. Just try hard every day and embrace that, just embrace that feeling. Um, because you'll never, it's only gonna. I mean, some people are fortunate to have it over and over again, however many kids you want to have, but um it's just a continual process of learning and being in the moment, in my opinion.
SPEAKER_06:Gotcha. Brandon, what about you?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I mean, you can't you can't chat GPT this shit. You know what I mean? This is just like a, you know, this is a trial and error process, man. You know what I mean? Like you could, you know, you you can you can you can ask some questions. Um there's no there's no step-by-step process in regards to how to do this. Um, you know, I gotta, you know, I'll share, I'll piggyback off of what Brittany said too. I've had a similar thing. Hey, kids alive, you're good, you're a good parent, you care, you love them. Um, that's where it comes down to is that unconditional love. If you have that, if you possess that, everything else will come. Like just love. You know what I'm saying? At the end of the day, that's that's what it's all about. From the moment that my son and my daughter are both born, or from the moment that I knew that they were even existing, they were they were conceived, and I knew that they were there. It was unconditional love. And then the moment you see them, it's like a love that you never experienced. And you want to make sure you take care of them for the rest of their lives. And so um you continue to to to to model that, as I said before. You're gonna create great human beings, you're going to create a loving, you know, just be intentional about your environment. Um, make sure that they have the right things in place and that they know that they're cared and loved for. And and and give yourself some grace. I think that I've heard that a couple of times. Give yourself some grace and kindness and love. You're doing good, you're gonna be a good parent for those who are upcoming parents. Just just trust the process.
SPEAKER_06:Gotcha. TJ, what about you?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, so every day is another day for your uh your children to follow in the footprints that you leave for them. So um you're doing a good job. Just lead the way. Um, don't be afraid to ask for help because you would want your kids to ask you for help. So don't be afraid to ask for help. Um and if there was a right and wrong answer, everybody would be a perfect parent. There's not, and every situation isn't perfect. So um do everything you can to do everything you can. Um, and your children will appreciate the effort, and your children will appreciate the fact that you are there. Um, and in the end, they'll come back and look hey, we should. Struggled here, we struggled there, but you were there beside me in my whole journey. And they're gonna give you a hug later in life or at some point where they say thank you for being there with me, because I couldn't have done it without you, and they can't do it without us. Um, you know, um, you know, be present. You know, so um all parents that are there involved, present there with their children, you are right. You're doing a great job. So um you can do everything wrong a hundred percent, and you're still right, you know. So there's that. All right. Wendy, what about you?
SPEAKER_02:So um I'm gonna go with couple of things. So one, hit pause before you respond to anything and think about what you're about to say to your kid as a response because that gets absorbed. Um, they've my girls have taught me a lot of patience in that way. So I've had to remind myself constantly before I say anything, I'm gonna hit pause. I'm gonna think about what I'm gonna say and how it's gonna impact them, and then I'm gonna say it. So that was a big one for me, teaching myself a little bit of patience. Um, the other thing that was really big for me was just making sure that I had a daily check-in with my girls, especially as they got older, as they became those teenagers, you know, and mom's not cool anymore. So I'm going out with my girlfriends, and we're taking your car for four hours driving around doing nothing but getting soda pop. I mean, like that's what my life became, right? And so I missed my girls. And so, how do you make time for them, especially once they start getting into those teenage years? You just do. So you need to sit down, you need to have a check-in, and you need to have some sort of communication that works best for both of you and realize what that is. I have one that does not like to be on the phone and the other one that will only text me. If my phone rings from her, I think it's someone else calling me from her phone because she just doesn't call me ever. It's not her best way to communicate. And my oldest loves to write. Um, she doesn't have enough in herself to sit in front of me sometimes and be so open and vulnerable to talk about her feelings. And as a parent, I'm getting a little impatient, like, just say it, come on, say it, you know. And so I had to learn to get patient, but then I also had to say to myself, what's the best way that you want to communicate to me? Because clearly this isn't working. And instead of getting upset with you over it, just you tell me what works for you. And that girl wrote me letters and stuck them underneath my pillow once a week. And they were so heartfelt, three pages long, just all of the pouring out. And then I see her go talk to her the next morning after I read it, like, oh my gosh, I love your letter. Thank you so much for sharing all this with me. And she's like, You're welcome, walks away, nothing, just you know, because she just some people are face to face, some are on the phone, some are right, whatever it may be. But we had to figure out a way to communicate best with one another in order to keep our relationship going and our check-ins going, right? And so now, as she's older, guess what she gets from me all the time? Journals. She gets lots of journals, beautiful pens, stationery. You like to write? No problem. Draw too. I don't give a shit. I'm buying her all kinds of artsy stuff because that's her way, you know. My other one, she wants technology. Got you new iPads, so you can text me, you can FaceTime me on that too if you want, but she won't even do that, you know. So it's it was just kind of like dialing in and just reminding myself how do I keep this connection going with them? It it goes along with being present and just figuring out what is the best way to do it for for everybody.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah, absolutely. Those are all uh great pieces of advice. Mine is uh probably off the keel because it is me and it's the way I am, but it's embrace the chaos, uh, become an agent of chaos because that's all that's what it's gonna be. Uh, kids are chaotic, they're energetic, they're fun, they they have a motor that doesn't stop. And as we get older, you know, that motor slows down a little bit. I've said when I hit uh 30 years old, that check engine light came on in my body and it hasn't turned off yet. Um, so you know just embrace that chaos and and and be an agent of it, and it you you'll have the happiest of lives with your kids. That that would be my advice. Just just lean into it and just be there and do what you can for your kids. But with all that being said, that is actually going to do it for this week's episode of the Ride Home Reds podcast. I want to thank all of my guests, uh Wendy, Nika, TJ, Brendan, Aaron, and Brittany uh for being on the show here. It was a lot of fun getting to talk and hear everybody's different aspects about being a parent. And as always, if you enjoyed the show, be a friend. Tell a friend. If you didn't, tell them anyways, they might like it just because you didn't. That's gonna do it for me, and I will see y'all next week.
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